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To the Hater

So a new goal of mine is to try to blog more, however it's hard to write when you don't really have anything to say. That being said, I'm starting recognize that I can use this as a means to get my thoughts out, and maybe those thoughts will help others in the future. Anyway, and now to the blog. To the Hater. To the hater who never thought anything I did was right. To the hater who questioned every decision I made. This isn't to the "haters". I'm not concerned with a group of nay sayers. A vague crowd of individuals that can do nothing more than tear things down isn't really a problem to me. They will scream and cry about things they love until they are blue in the face for whatever imaginary travesty someone has committed against them. Their emotional problems are not mine. My problem is with the hater. The voice I hear when I'm unsure, insecure, and panicking. The voice I hear when I'm about to do what I want to do and I pause. I freeze. I'm so close to doing exactly what I want and I say... l'm gonna fail like I always do... and I crumble. And then I see the Hater and they were right. This is to the hater. First of all, thank you. Seriously. That's not me being cheeky or sarcastic or playing anything off. This is a sincere thank you. Your voice, no matter how negative has been inspiring in a way. Yes you have beat me down. Yes you have tried to take any semblance of confidence I have. But your voice has encouraged me to not be satisfied with what is, and to continue to chase what I want to be. To how good I want to be. When I talk to people about my art, I am often very critical. Overly critical to many. My comments are cruel to a point that makes people... friends/family uncomfortable and they rise up to defend my work from my own opinions. They think this is the voice of the hater. However I'm not using the voice of the hater. I'm only taking points the hater has made and using them to forge my skill into something stronger. Something better. I've researched, refined, and refused to allow my technique and knowledge to diminish because I have to show the hater, that I will not fail. I will improve. So thank you. Second, I have to thank the hater again. The hater encouraged me to shy away from the things I like. The hater encouraged me to conform to, to comply to, and to continue doing the things I hate. The hater told me that quitting things, even things I don't like, is the worst thing I can do. The hater told me everyone will be disappointed in me and society will refuse to value me and my life. The hater encouraged me to have shame for my choices which lead to fear. And to that I say thank you. Encouraging me to do the things I hate, inspired me to be brave and try to do the things I loved. It pushed me to find my identity and embrace it. I had to learn the hard way that quitting is ok and being brave for things I love is better than being safe with things I feel no passion for. Third, and this is the last thank you. Thank you for giving me something to hate and fear. I've learned a lot about those emotions listening to you. Fear can be a good thing. It can keep us from doing something foolish. It can encourage us to slow down, assess, and recalculate what should be done. And anger is a hell of a motivator. I love what I do, but sometimes looking back at you and thinking, you just want me to fail, makes me work so much harder. "Is that ellipse properly fitting the perspective? Oh it will." I have to thank you for helping me recognize those things about myself. That being said, I think we've gone as far as we are gonna go. I don't need your voice anymore. I don't need your anger or your fear. Look I know you've been there forever. Honestly, after this I know you'll still be around. However, even though it comes from a place of passion and a need to keep me safe, your voice, you, are toxic. So if you aren't gonna be in my corner then you are gonna need to leave. I have no time to listen to you anymore. I have my goals and I'm working towards them on my timeline. I'm not sitting sedentary. I'm moving. I've done the work, I'm always improving. I'm very aware of my flaws and I do not see much else I'm getting from this. So, to the hater, thank you and good bye.


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